Lately I’ve been trying to be inspired by my work. I haven't felt charged by it in quite some time. Can we really TRY to be inspired though? Or is inspiration just that magical, mystical, makes you well up with joy moment that surprises us at the most unexpected times? Fleeting, it must be harnessed while it lasts, because one simply does not know when it will return? Or can we "nurture" inspiration? Cajole it to come to us somehow… wave a treat in front of it, and make it lick its lips. I wish I knew such tricks to tame with.
Something about the tedious metalsmithing process involved in producing the work has lost my interest in the past few months since my last exhibition. (Just the fact that I am referring to it as "tedious" is a bad sign I think.) What happened to the days when I literally had to force myself to STOP working? When at 3am my eyes would finally give out on me I eventually would give in, but only until the morning. Now my eyes look away, anywhere but at THAT door. As if to cross the threshold would be to cross the gates of hell. Apparently I would rather re-arrange my filing cabinets than open my studio door because that's exactly what I did earlier this week. wow.
Am I scared my ideas will run out? Yes. I'm always afraid there is a brick wall lurking in my near future and I'll walk face first into it. Thankfully I haven't hit that brick wall just yet, but my lack of enthusiasm and inspiration could be a sign I'm stumbling in that direction.
I know I need to advance my metalsmithing skills, that's been true for a while now. That's part of my grand plan when I move to NYC. I need to get out of this town. My creativity is not being nurtured here. The part I hesitate to admit out loud is whether or not I'm losing interest in Barbie all together. Am I ready to move on and work on a new series? Perhaps. Or maybe I just need a new approach?
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Nurturing. SOmething that stays with us throughout our lives. Work, Love, Offspring, Illness. Times when we want to take a back seat, and times when we want to tweak the engine to run faster. It's about excitement, but also about necessity. I srtuggle with it everyday. More often than not. I looke at 'Miserable Heads' and think, damn, why didn't I do something so creative ever? That doesnt' include the Plastic Body Series. There's inspiration TO others now, but maybe not to yourself. Maybe not on this project. I got shit form Mark tonight cuz I didn't 'like' the Beatles the way I supposedly should. They inspired every band in the 60s, according to Mark. Perhaps, but so did many before them, and they also were doing some of their most inspiring music at the same time as those other bands. Besides, Dylan inspired them, if only to smoke weed. Lose site of inspiration, it can be a sign to look for new inspiration. Not such a bad thing. If a new song isn't working for me, I stop, and try another. Perhaps a break. Perhaps not. Going a long time on one type of work, despite all its comlexities and endless possibilities, can easily lead to this dilemma. The power of staying inpired can sometimes need other forces. Perpetual motion at first can seem to never stop, but a slow down is mostly inevitable. A pit-stop may be needed. Finding inspiration in other areas isn't a bad thing either. Perhaps from architecture magazines, maybe from SciFi novels. I don't know, but this becomes a part of keeping the flow. Think about what keeps other things alive for you, without getting bored. I leave it at that.
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